Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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