In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
