Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
