So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
