So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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