mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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