There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
