It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
