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god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
