it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
