Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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