I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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