dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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