I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
