let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
