you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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