she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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