I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
