Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
