what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
