I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
