So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
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