When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
