Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
