I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
