my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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