And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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