I can't breathe out the right side of my face
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
