Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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