Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
