i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
