I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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