wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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