apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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