Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
