bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
