Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
