I bet he comes in French.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
