what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
