I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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