He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
