can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
