The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
