I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
