Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Randomize
