The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
