I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
