It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
