I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
What drink are we having for lunch?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
