You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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